Sunday, July 26, 2009
There are so many things going through my mind... so much to say...
First off, Im just getting back home from Club Limelight downtown Nashville at the Mashville show. Dope show, I killed my 2 songs haha. All the DJ's were ON POINT. And I am declaring for all to read.... DJ Wick-It is the sickest DJ of all time. Dude just has IT
ANYWAY....
I'm having a mid-year crisis... lol but seriously. Check out my situation
>Im between projects: already released the Sci Fly EP and am currently in the works of starting on the next project.
>Im working at a grocery store... not the ideal life for an aspiring superstar.
>Ive been living back at home with my parents... enuff said
With all that being said, life just doesnt feel at its best right now. And honestly I dont know why. Besides my crappy job, Ive been performing more than ever, have a fairly steady flow of income (to my surprise), traveled to Chicago and even visited New York for the first time, and I have FINALLY begun getting the recognition and respect I have been working for in the city, from local publications and well connected people to DJ's and fellow artists. Not too bad huh??
Its funny what an AMAZING EP can do for an artist...
The thing is tho, my inspiration is GONE. (Sorry Mr. West, its Gone!)
Ive always gone through periods of dry spells and writers block when it comes to music. But it has just never been this BAD. And i have desperately been trying to figure out WWWHHHHYYYY!!!!
I sit in front of my computer, bumping instrumentals, cant think of hooks. Stay up late nights tryna beat my most highly acclaimed song to date... "Product Of The Game". Heck I'm tryna beat out the whole entire EP. But I just cant right now. And i refuse to force songs. I have done a few new songs this summer that are decent, killed a few features for other peoples records... but none of my own that I would put on an album. Maybe a free song or a song I will later rewrite and release. But nothing that I am crazy over.
One thing I can say for sure that may be contributing to my lack of creative inspiration, is the fact that I feel so pressured. I hate to say it, but even though the response to my EP wasnt as GRANDIOSE and MAGNIFICENT as I had hoped, I still have made an incredible amount of buzz with it. Its lasted longer than I thought it would, people are still downloading it consistently, I have even begun to sell hard copies at shows, and the best thing about it is that I constantly meet ppl that I have absolutely no ties to that come across my music in places as far as San Diego, Oklahoma, Texas, the list goes on. So I am very pleased.
But I refuse to rush whats next.
I have concepts, tracks in the works, almost completed instrumentals, half hooks, unfinished rough mixes, etc etc. But nothing promising really. And why? I literally just feel empty.
Now dont get me wrong, I can make a MILLION tracks right now, that are good. I can make a million hot tracks right now with a catchy hook and dope verses with a SICK beat that I make myself. But it wont adequately express my growth as an artist. And if theres one thing i stress in my music, its growth. Im stuck somewhere in between The Sci Fly EP and nowhere. A black hole.
I dont think people really understand how much I put into that little 5 track CD (6 with the intro). It was the hardest Ive ever worked on ANYTHING in my life. Literally. No exaggeration. From the conceptual process, to the writing, production, and recording.... THAT WAS ALL ME---- except for the engineer. THEN you have to take into account the artwork i asked to get done, release party, listening party, promotion and fliers. ME ME ME. I will give credit to those few select people that busted their butt to really help out, but honestly all the people that I just KNEW would lend a helping hand, had nothing to do with the EP until I handed them or sent them a link of the finished copy.
And since then, I HAVE BEEN DRAINED.
I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL INTO EVERY ONE OF THOSE BEATS, LYRICS, TITLES, ETC ETC ETC. THE SCI FLY EP IS THE MOST ADEQUATE REPRESENTATION TO DATE OF FUTURE AS AN ARTIST, MAN, AND CREATIVE GENIUS.
Now its just time to give the world more. This next project is gonna be sooooo Crazy. I just dont know where to start. I feel like Kanye after he released 'College Dropout' when he said he wasnt gonna come out with another album if he couldnt beat his last. I am currently trying to figure out what I need to do to get back to that place of ULTIMATE INSPIRATION AND CREATIVITY like I had this time last year. Like I had last semester. What do I need to do? Take another trip outta town? Pray more? Get back in the gym? Smoke weed? Snort cocaine? WHAATTT!!??!?!?
All I know is, I feel like I am slowly dying inside. I have lost the ability to produce my emotions in a song with ease like I used to. I need my inspiration filled to the brim once again. I am not worried that it will not come. I am just impatient. I need it by yesterday lol. Its affecting my mood constantly.
Anyway, I am half asleep, and I dont know what Im talking about anymore. And the last thing Im about to do is proof read this blog, so if it doesnt make sense get over it.
PEACE
Labels: dj wick-it, inspiration, kanye west, mashville, the sci fly ep
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