Friday, March 27, 2009

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Well... Its come to my attention, that I'm borderline cocky lol. I had a conversation with a few friends today, and humility came up. Immediately I interjected and said it was important, and because I believe its important, thats why I'm humble...

Everybody's faces turned up

No reply

Then came the laughter

LOL....and then began the conversation about how I dont have the most humble of personalities and persona. SO while Im at work this afternoon, Ive really been pondering that. Hell, i thought I was! I NEVER name drop, brag about big shows I have, never gloat in my accomplishments, I dont rub the fact I write, produce, and sing in my own songs, etc etc. I know what cocky ppl act like.

However, I know how really and truly humble people act. And after thinking about it, I guess I'm not the most humble seeming person in the world. Let me explain...

For my entire life, I've always performed, been in front of crowds. When I was freakin 6, I went to D.C. to speak to politicians about the national deficit lol. My parents started me out at public speaking very early. From being an orator I somehow transitioned into music. But even with music, there are always performances, so called "critics" of my song or stage presence. So I've always been used to things like "Good Job" of "I enjoyed your show!" Or "OMG I LOVE YOUR NEW SONG!!" After a 15+ years of that, my thank yous begin to get a little less genuine as you would imagine. Lol im sure there are some people who can relate. And i guess that my face looks less appreciative everytime someone compliments me. In my mind, Im truly thankful, but my face probably looks like

In addition to that, I KNOW im a great artist. I know im a good songwriter. I know I'm an amazing performer. I wouldn't do it if I sucked at it (which is why I dont sing that much live hahaha... im not that great at it). So I'm sure there is an air about me that seems confident and sure about my skill level and ability. But some people misinterpret it as cockiness or overconfident. I walk like im the sh** (apparently). The way I dress, haircut, kicks, all of that. I walk like I'm goin somewhere, i guess. I cant apologize for that. Oh GOD if u knew me in middle school you would probably think I was a loser with no life, which i was haha. So I've come a long way.

I EXPECT certain things in my life. I EXPECT people to like some of the things I do, my performances especially, I work very hard. So thats why it may not be the biggest surprise in the world to me when I get a compliment on something I do. I have standards as an artist especially, because as I grow, as my skill level increases, and as I mature musically, I expect there to be more shows, fans, interviews etc.

HOWEVER, with all that being said, I remain HUMBLED throughout anything and everything in life. I KNOW i have LOTS of room to improve as an artist, as a person, as a boyfriend, as a Christian, etc etc. So there is never an ounce of OVER confidence in me, or cockiness. The fact I'm unsigned and virtually unknown in the music industry and outside of Nashville keeps me humbled and driven. Im proud of the skills God has given me, and I'm confident that I am currently pretty darn good at what I do. But I know I am nowehere NEAR my full potential in any area in life. Im barely tapping the surface. My life will forever be a quest to reach my full potential. So with that in mind, I'll forever be humbled and never have reason to be over confident.

So I just wanted to clarify that. I may not seem like the most humble person, bowing my head at each compliment, giving the most genuine smile with every pat on the back, and looking as sincere as possible when I get off stage... But dont get it twisted, Im grateful for every show I do, every song I finish, every compliment, new myspace fan, etc. Its proof that Im working towards my potential and people are taking notice. But trust me, even if nobody liked my music, I'd still be rockin out to my songs on my iPod lookin crazy with a high top lol.

And for all you haters, stop hating just cuz I have confidence enough to know Im gon be big, rich, and famous soon enough. So I might as well act like it in the meantime. In the words of Three 6 Mafia... "Ever since I can remember, I been poppin my collar"

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PEACE

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